It feels strange that 2 months have actually passed since that day that literally changed the anatomy of my facial bones and the way I was supposed to spend the rest of my remaining days in Japan because it doesn’t feel like it, that such a long time has already passed and, perhaps, because I hate to accept the fact that the number of my remaining days here in Japan will, in a not-so-distant-future, become a two-digit figure.
Yet it is an exhilarating experience to look back at what transpired after the 2 seconds that I flew from my bike up to this very moment that I’m writing this journal entry that will probably be my last for this year since I’ll be off to Tokyo this morning. There’s so much to write about. Should I start it with my trips to Kyoto to see the beautiful colors of autumn, or our recent trip to Kobe’s Luminarie, a splendid display of lights that commemorates how the people of Kobe cooperated to bring their city back to life after suffering from one of the worst earthquakes in the history of an earthquake-prone country?
But my stay at the hospital was also very memorable, especially because of the facilities that made me feel I just jumped 5 years into the future—from automatic doors to automatic faucets to toilets that will clean AND dry your bottoms for you. Equally memorable was my visit to the dentist last week because of a tooth ache, to which the dentists agreed that I should have a root canal operation (which is like the dental version of death penalty) 5 minutes after having my teeth checked, or ten minutes after stepping in the hospital. 30 minutes later the dentist was showing me the nerve that she pulled out of my tooth, and about an hour later I was out of the hospital. I didn’t even need to drink any pain reliever after the root canal operation. Painless root canal in just an hour? Welcome to Japan.
Less than 2 weeks after being discharged, I was already teaching how to cook adobo to high school students. I felt like I became an adobo expert that I even sold adobo as well as turon during a school festival and managed to earn money to fund my trips to Kyoto. Or should I write about how I kicked the asses of 7 Chinese kids in a Japanese speech contest during the same festival and managed to win 3rd place? I did lose to another 2 Chinese kids, though, and I have to say that I won mostly because of my wonderful coaches Yoshi and Tomomi.
Should I start with the indescribable sensation of seeing and feeling—not to mention swallowing—snow for the first time in my life? Or is it more heart-warming to tell the story of how uplifting it was to be praised by almost everyone for a web design that I worked hard for, to be appreciated for doing something that I love doing to do? But it is also amazing, on a different level, that I am now involved in the dramas in the life of my Japanese friends, and that people are now past their Marvin-is-an-exchange-student-so-we-should-be-kind stage and have already shown their true selves, and I get to know who’s cheating on who and who’s getting an abortion. I was actually more shocked by the fact that it is legal to have abortion here than by the fact that someone I know is getting an abortion.
I’m also looking forward to realizing our plans on these coming days. We’ll be having a Christmas Party in Tokyo, and after some sight-seeing there, we’ll be heading to Kansai for New Year. After our New Year celebration, we’ll go straight to Nagasaki. You can check a map of Japan to see how far we’ll be traveling. I think it’s like from Manila to Cebu, and we’re traveling neither by plane nor ship. Traveling from Tokyo to Osaka alone takes about 9 hours and 9 train transfers. It’s gonna be a long train-hopping spree for us. And I guess it’s goodbye to hard-earned and saved money time again.
It’s sad that this year is about to end, which means my adventure here in Japan will soon end too. But the scorching days of summer and nostalgic period of fall did not pass by without me learning anything. My experience here in Japan changed my life, and I can truly say that I grew up, and I’m growing up—physically and in other ways—each day. It’s time to shed old leaves like autumn trees, meditate in the silence of winter, and forgive and start anew like the blossoming of sakura in spring. This has been a great journey for me, and before it ends I think now is the time to tell how it started.
Last Week, on my first time to travel a long way alone, I visited a shrine in Kyoto.
I went to the Fushimi Shrine. And I prayed.
The Fushimi Shrine is one of the most famous Shinto Shrines in Japan. It has thousands of toriis, gate-like structures that you will normally find in the entrance of a shrine. It takes about 2 hours to walk along the whole torii-full trail of the shrine, and for that a visit to the Fushimi Shrine is known as the ultimate torii experience.
But I didn’t go to that shrine for that experience.
6 years ago, on my first year in high school, I met Fushimi. Meeting him was a turning-point in my life; there’s no other explanation for that sudden zest to wake up early and go to school as fast as you can, or that tormenting feeling of waiting for the phone to ring and that heart-stopping feeling of hoping that the person on the other end of the phone is the one you’ve been waiting for all the time. First love, perhaps? But how should a 13-year old know what love is? Perhaps it wasn’t really love, but there was something, and it was something special.
I was a transferee, and although I excelled academically, I was a nobody. I was just another student in one of the most hated sections during my freshman year. On the other hand, Fushimi was intelligent, good-looking, and everybody knew him—he was famous, and he had everything. But I wasn’t really interested at him at all, until someone told me that he is half-Japanese, something that I should have realized by myself because of his surname. It was the spark that lit up the candle, and everything started to melt after that FX taxi incident in January of 1999, which is the only thing that happened in January that I remember out of any given January in my life. After that day, I wanted to be recognized. I wanted him to see me.
After a bold move on my part, we became friends, I became inspired, and my life suddenly had a direction. Fushimi became a decision-making factor in almost everything that I did ever since we became friends. I studied hard so that we can be together in the star section. I participated actively in organizing class outings because outings are perfect times to get closer with each other.
I have a lot of reasons why I decided to go as an exchange student here in Japan, and Fushimi is one of those reasons. I also have a lot of questions that I wanted to answer, some related to economics, some related to culture; but the question that my visit to the Fushimi Shrine answered was the personal one.
I love Fushimi simply because I love him, and not because of my natural affinity to Japan.
This journey began because of him, and I am very grateful to him. He gave me dreams. I became the person that I am now because of the people around me, and most of all, because of him. He is my inspiration.
Being in a distant land allowed me to discover a lot about the world and myself. I knew about love before, but being here allowed me to understand it better. Distance also gave me time to think about things. And it is in this distant land that I felt that it is time to forgive.
There are only 2 persons in this world (that I personally know) that I consider I hate, and those persons are my father and Alen. I will not go into the details about why I hated these people, since the purpose of this entry is moving on and celebrating love.
My father has, for many times, asked for my forgiveness, but I have yet to tell him that I forgive him. But in my heart, I have forgiven him. I just wish that he can start thinking not only of himself but also of his family. I just wish that he can become responsible to his children again. I love my mother, and I just want her to relax. She has worked so hard for us, and I just wish that she can have more time for herself. The promises my father made before are well pass their deadlines, but the deadlines don’t matter to me anymore. I just hope that he fulfills them, and I just hope that he realizes how hard my mother has been working for us and that he has to do something now. I just want to go back to a home where only my family lives.
Alen never asked for my forgiveness, nor do I think that Alen is actually aware of the wrongs that he did. But I forgive him, and I’m willing to forget our past misunderstandings. I will probably see him in UP when I go back there next year, and when I meet him I know I can say hi without any grudge. My friends know how I really wanted to help Alen, and I know how Alen’s friends really tried their best to help him, so I understand how my friends feel when Alen disposed of them easily without appreciating their efforts. Every one of us is a complex being, and so is Alen. Alen just needs time to grow up, and when he grows up I hope that he can also find love and peace, and forgive his friends if ever they did him wrong, and at least thank them. I don’t know what’s happening in Alen’s life now, but I hope that he’s living a life without half-truths and lies.
This has been a great year, thanks to everyone. Jesse, June, Elaine, everyone—I haven’t replied to your e-mails but I know you know that I love you and I haven’t forgotten you.
(I have no time I It’s already 4:40 am I have to leave the house at 4:50!)
We will be traveling during vacation so I don’t expect internet access. I can only be reached via my phone at 08053516278 or marvindesu @ ezeweb . ne . jp
If there’s one thing that I learned, it’s that any dream can come true even if you fail as long you don’t stop trying.
Merry Christmas to everyone! Have a nice holiday! As they say in Japanese: Yoi O-Toshi wo!
